If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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