Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
