3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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