she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
