It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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