So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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