he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
