i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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