Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
