i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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