i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
