just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
