I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
