Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
