The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
