I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
