I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
