Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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