not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
