I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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