I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
