Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
