so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
