and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everclear isn't food dammit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
