don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
