I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
