i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
