UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
