This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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