Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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