i would punch a child for taco bell
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
