He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Damn victory sex feels great
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
