You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
