Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
