She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
