My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
