After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
