So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
