After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
