Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
