It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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