Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
