I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
