Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
