So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
