An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
