OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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