break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
