Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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