So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
