He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
