this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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