Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
