I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
