ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
