I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
