I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
