My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
