When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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