i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
