Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
