She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
