I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
