you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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