I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
