i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
