New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
